Tuesday, May 31, 2005

Is it Wrong to Want to Change the World?

Okay, I'll be honest that this post was supposed to be put up last Thursday but due to social encounters its been pushed back. I've now however found myself with lots to say and probably three posts in a day so I feel some, if not all, might not get read at all. I'll just have to hope that sanyone reading is dedicated enough.

I was catching the bus to work early this (Thursday) morning and a strange thought occured to me: why do so many kids and adults dress and act the same way? This thought came from the amount of (annoying) kids there were on the bus today who, obviously, had a non-uniform day at their respective schools. They were all dressed like something out of either a very cliched hip-hop video, or someone they'd seen on the pages of Heat magazine, and they were about twelve! It just got me thinking about what people must aspire to today. Is there nobody left these days that wants to better the cards theyve been dealt by life? I mean, granted, we're all born with certain circumstances that we can't deny, but that doesn't mean that we're stuck with that role forever? Doesn't anyone want to make their mark? Doesn't anyone want to change the world, and, more importantly is it wrong to want to?

I would certainly like to think that I had the potential to do something worthwhile in my life, so that in some shape or form my name would linger a little after it amounts to nothing more than an engraving on a stone monument somewhere. I'd also like to think that that is actually starting to happen. After all, I've now had my first mention in an academic text book! Granted, it's only a mention on the acknowledgments page of the new book by A Man Much Greater than I, but its a start! However, as you'll come to realise dear reader, I like to think a number of things.

And there is my inherent problem: my disgusting lack of self-confidence in myself and my abilities. I'm becoming aware that I can probably make a difference, or a mark nonetheless, to this world in some shape or form but my problem is I need some people or somebody to help me. I can't do this by myself. As Shed Seven rightly observed all those years ago "I've got high hopes, all I need is your hand to steady my feet". That's exactly the situation I feel I'm in. I'd like to think I've got a couple of people there but, as with anything in life, you can never really be sure. On that note though I'd like to thank my first reader of this page for their thoughts. It's always nice to know that you're gaining an audience.

However, this thought led me to thinking about why, and in what form exactly, I want to leave a mark on the world, and I managed to boil this motivation to one of three things: power, money or respect. For me, its not power thats driving me. I don't want control of anyone, or anything, in particular. Power breeds corruption and egos; people who think they're more than a decaying pool of matter want power because they feel inadequate about themselves in some form. Anyways, in the words of Hope of the States, "Don't make me a leader, I'll lead you all wrong". Neither do I want money in excessive amounts either. I grew up in a household where, whilst money wasn't a problem, I was often lead to believe that it was and so have seen the problems that it breeds. In fact, if I start earning more than I actually need I'd like to do something with it that is worthwhile. I'm quite happy with a decent house somewhere and a small car that won't harm the environment too much. No, what's motivating me is respect. Definately. I want people to turn around and respect me and my views; to view me as someone who stood for what he believed in and had something decent and interesting to say on things. Its something I stand by throughout life: if people respect me, I'll do the same to them. I think it's the single most important thing in the world and, unfortunately, we don't seem to live in a society where there is much of it. Too many people are willing to judge others due to something that they don't understand, whether it be something big like religion or race, or something small like a hobby or interest. I think we could all do with a little more tolerance, dear reader. Don't you?

Tuesday, May 24, 2005

And Now My Fears, They Come to Me in Three

Just read a few things about the end of the current series of Who that have got me slightly worried. They are as follows:

1) Billie's leaving. Bugger. It's bad enough that for the new series the audience has to adjust to someone new playing the Doctor, but it seems as though they've then gotta adjust to losing their only other reference point in the series very quickly as well. In short it seems as though after a glorious rebirth, people are then left back at square one, not knowing who any of the main characters are, and that's not good at all. Personally speaking, I'll really miss Billie as I think she's done a fantastic job as Rose, bringing a real warmth and endearingness to the role. It makes me worry how they're gonna introduce a new companion and how they will relate to the Doctor, as I don't think they'll try and redo the whole love/friends thing again.

2) The audience figures dropped for 'The Empty Child'. It's times like this I really wish ITV would roll over and die. They've realised that they can't win viewers by providing softcore porn for the chav population, and so play the sneakiest card possible by placing the Star Wars films against the current series. Why, oh good god why, can't they realise that there's an audience for sci-fi fans at that time, but there's also an audience for different types of DECENT entertainment as well and that both audiences can be satisfied if they make an effort, rather than having to resort to simple 'stealing viewers' tactics. 6.5 Million viewers isn't great for Who, and what with the upheaval going on behind the scenes, and a feeling of being less than impressed with some of the new writers for the second series, I'm not feeling positive at present.

3) The cast for the series finale. I've recently learned that Davina McCall and Trinny and Susanna are in the last two episodes. Oh hell. There I was hoping for this epic, bleak, Androzani-esque story involving the Doctor and the regeneration and instead it looks as though we've got a line of annoying tv 'celebrities' turning up. Hardly Sharaz Jek is it? I don't wanna admit defeat before it's even taken place, as that would be hypocritical against what I previously said about RTD, but little things like that make me worry. Couple that with the other two reasons identified and it's no suprise I'm feeling discouraged. I can only hope that the thoughts of a Man Much Greater Than I are correct, and it's a Revelation style story where the Daleks are secretly controling everything. If it's a media satire like the (in my opinion) excellent Long Game then we could well be ok.

Suppose I should try and be positive.

Monday, May 23, 2005

An Unearthly Child

Starting this thing is probably the hardest thing to do, but then again thats probably a good metaphor for life itself. It always seems the most complex thing is getting something started, whether it be a project, an essay, a relationship or any other aspect of this short existence. It seems that the most energy that needs to be exerted is when your trying to begin anything. After that, you've really just gotta keep things running. Sure, you've got a responsibility to the thing, or person, involved, but the fear has gone. That biting, snarling fear of both a) is there any point in doing this in the first place, and b) will it be succesful? Or are you simply setting yourself up to fail again? Who knows, keep watching this space...

Today was another day. Aside from that, I can't really think of anything else to describe it. The only vaguely interesting occurance was my rememberance of how great a song 'Hercules' by Mercury Rev is. Other than that, I went to work, got sworn at by members of the public over telephone numbers, and went home. Didn't even manage to catch the eye of a certain lady in work who I'm rather fond of. I'll spare her name to protect the innocent. Also realised today that I'm coming down with the flu once more. Thought the sore throat was probably down to the alcohol consumed during Eurovision, and would probably pass. However the sneezing fit has alluded to the fact that there is something more sinister at work here.

On the up side, I've got the day off tomorrow to gather my thoughts together and watch the new Who DVD, therefore revelling in The Unquiet Dead again. That was damn good TV, as has most of the new series been. REALLY don't understand why certain areas of the Who fanbase is suddenly rounding on RTD. The man's done such good work on the show that to criticise him seems, to me at least, ungrateful. Damn, was really gonna try NOT to mention Who in the first post, aside from the title, but it seems I've done it now.

Does this set the tone well? I don't know, I'm not the one reading this. It's a strange thing writing, as you're writing in the hope that someone will catch your stuff and like it. However, when you're writing on a medium such as the internet, your potential audience could be everyone, or it could be no-one. It could be an entertaining read for many people, or it could just be a singular outlet for your own feelings. In that respect it therefore becomes quite a selfish act, writing. However, if its an outlet for thoughts, whether dark or light, that can only be a good thing. Anything that keeps you alive.

"In the morning your face cracks and falls, to the sea..."