Wednesday, June 28, 2006

Rose-Tinted Theories



"And like that, she was gone"

OK, so I realise that that quote was made in a different context (and actually about a male character) but it somehow seemed like a good choice. Yes, Dear Readers, as you're probably aware, we have just two weeks left with Rose Tyler in the TARDIS, and I for one shall miss her presence. I'll hold my hands up and admit that I was amongst the "What the hell are they doing casting her?" brigade when the news was announced, but it's always nice to be proved horribly wrong. And how Billie has done so. Whoever would've thought that two years down the line we'd be so fearful of her departure. I can pinpoint exactly the moment when I knew everything was going to be alright: The Unquiet Dead, scene where the Doctor and Rose are trapped in the basement and she turns to him and says "We go down fighting, yeah?". Brilliant. Anyways, goodbye Billie, all the best for the future and you'll be missed in the World of Who.

So in light of Rose's imminent departure, and as I know none of the spoilers, I thought I'd add my little thoughts as to what might happen to the character. They shall be classed under the headings 'The Obvious', 'The Gruesome' and 'What I'd Do'. That way you can evaluate what my responses and add your own comments.

The Obvious

The obvious way of handling things is that Rose sadly dies. Whether this be saving the Earth or in some horrible manner is open to interpretation, but it seems the fairly straightforward way to handle things. You see, this way it means that Rose can (theoretically, this is SF remember) never return and the Doctor can go back to his angsty, thoughtful self a la Series One. This time it'll be a bit more emotive though, as we'll all know why he feels that way and empathise with him. Those of us who remember the Old Days may well have felt it hard to empathise with the loss of the Time Lords, as they were corrupt, boring people and (Omega aside) weren't a great loss to the galaxy. However, the chance to see Tennant constantly calling up that sense of loss in the Doctor that Eccleston managed last year seems a tantilisng prospect, as I've really enjoyed those scenes where he feels responsible for someone's death (i.e. Scooti in The Impossible Planet).

The Gruesome

Rose becomes a Cyberman! A horrible way to go (and a slight cop-out seen as though they've already done that with Alternative Jackie in The Age of Steel) but what a great reaction shot that would make, the Doctor having to realise what has become of her! Of course, there's always the possibility that she doesn't become a Cyberman but instead becomes something else (not giving any spoilers away), but the basic premise that this essentially good-hearted character becomes something inherently evil is a nice idea.

What I'd Do

OK, wild theory time but what I'd do is this: it was mentioned in Love & Monsters (shudder) that Rose's file was in Torchwood somewhere under the heading of 'Bad Wolf' something. What if Rose were to be committed to scientific/medical research in some way? Imprisoned by Torchwood (don't forget, Captain Jack is on modern day Earth and it's plausable he could have told of the 'Bad Wolf' scenario) and unobtainable, the organisation plans to experiment on her to gain the secrets of the 'Bad Wolf'. We've already seen that Torchwood are a bit power mad and willing to kill to further the progress of Earth in The Christmas Invasion so I reckon that'd be a really cool thing to do. Imagine the final scene where the enemy is defeated, only for Yvonne and some guards to drag Rose off somewhere and leave the Doctor helpless! That'd be immense, and allow for the return of the character, perhaps even in some elevated version.

You see, I should be writing for the series...

Thursday, June 22, 2006

So. Central Rain

"I'm Sorry..." (R.E.M. 1984)

Slightly obscure title for this post Dear Readers, but given that the above lyric is the main hook from the song that gives this post its title, I felt it was adequate. Quite frankly, I feel as though I must apologise, and whilst this apology is for something that I had absolutely no control over, I know that for some of you this is your only encounter with the World of Who and so I must both celebrate and defend it.

OK, I'll stop being cryptic. In short, Love & Monsters was terrible. It was that cringeworthy that I almost turned it off after twenty minutes. I couldn't believe what I was seeing. It was childish and embarassing. Poorly executed, acted and handled. It made Timelash look like Citizen Kane (OK, some of you know I view Timelash in quite high reverence just because it's that bad, but you get the point...). However, this criticism is not because I didn't "get" the episode, as has been the accusation launched at some people who have shared the sentiment. I more than "get" what they were trying to do, and in fact thought that it sounded like a good idea. Why not take an average man who has encountered, and become fascinated with, The Doctor and see what the effect of this encounter would be? I mean, Boom Town last year asked a similar question about consequences, and I thought it made for a great understated and thought-provoking episode.

The key difference here was that Boom Town seemed to have thankfully learnt the lessons of 'Where the Slitheen Went Wrong'. Out went the silly comments, the fart jokes, and were instead replaced by some interesting and welcome characterisation. This, however, felt like a complete regression. The Scooby Doo sequence at the beginning was toe-curlingly bad. The character ending up on the Abzorbaloff's arse equally so. The lead performance of Marc Warren was just wet, meaning that you didn't care about him. Additionally, and disappointingly, RTD's writing was lazy. Last week we see Rose getting the troops together against the oncoming Ood, this week she can't remember what colour bucket to pick up. Unlikely? What's more, it's established that the group of characters were (relatively) clever. Surely one of them would have noticed the pattern that every time Victor Kennedy asked one of them to stay behind, they disappeared. It would've just taken someone to have gone "Hang on. There's something funny going on here" and it would've made more sense. Not "Oh, I've forgotten my phone!". That's what I mean by lazy writing.

However, there were two positives. Firstly, Shirley Henderson came out of it more than alive. It's a shame she ended up as a paving slab, as she was thoroughly great throughout. In fact, this was about the worst episode Billie has had in the two series, and as she's going (more on that later to the time) someone like Shirley would be a great replacement. Having said that, why not take a talking paving slab in the TARDIS? I mean, Tom wanted a talking cabbage. Secondly, there was a funny joke. I love the idea of the Slitheen's lenghtily-titled home planet having a twin with a one syllable name. That's the kind of ridiculous nonsense I like.

Shame the rest of it wasn't.

Cyber Control's Top 5 to try and blank out Love & Monsters:

Geneva - If You Have to Go
The Young Knives - She's Attracted To
Snow Patrol - Chasing Cars
R.E.M. - So. Central Rain
The Kooks - She Moves in Her Own Ways

Monday, June 19, 2006

Soldeed!


All hail Graham Crowden! Surely one of the greatest, and funniest, supporting performances in the history of Who. He gets far too much bad press for his overacting in Horns of Nimon, and quite frankly it's unfair. It's hilarious, and given the level of immagination that went into other areas of the script (a security guard who just shouts "weakling scum" a lot! And as if the idea that people won't pick up it's based on the Greek story of the Minotaur isn't clearly signified by having the aliens look like Minotaurs, they decide to spell the name of all the characters in that story backwards!), I'm not surprised he got away with it. I mean, who came up with the idea of sacrificing three perfectly good cliffhanger endings (the revelation of The Nimon! Romana's abandonment! The immanent destruction of the TARDIS!) for that thrilling shot of ... Tom hugging K-9. For some reason Crowden's portrayal of Soldeed reminds me of what might happen if Chris Morris got involved with a story...

Sorry, dear readers. This post is piffle. I just had to update this site and couldn't think of anything else off the top of my head.

Friday, June 02, 2006

'Arthur Dent' Moments

'Arthur Dent' Moments (n.)

Occasions when you are confronted with trying to understand those immediately around you (whether acquaintances or otherwise), but are unable to do so. Whether your incomprehension is due to your own lack of concentration, or the amount of alcohol consumed by members of the party, or other reasons, is irrelevant. However, you are left with the feeling(s) of a) complete bewilderment, and b) the overwhelming need for a cup of tea.

Usage: "I just didn't know what was going on, or what I was supposed to do. It was a real 'Arthur Dent' moment."