Too Long Awake

Its been a long week, and as I sit here on a Saturday night enjoying a glass of red wine and listening to B*Witched's C'est La Vie (we all suffer our vices), reflecting on how this track always seems to appear at strange points in my life (usually when drunk), I can honestly admit I'll be glad to see this week's demise. Its been both physically and emotionally draining: for some reason family and friends have a nasty habit of falling apart at the same time, and whilst I don't at all mind being the person people fall on, it'd be nice if it didn't all happen at once. However, if that's the state of play at the minute, so be it. As the current Coldplay track observes, "I'll try to fix you", the only problem is that I subsequently feel as though I've been too long awake. I'm not gonna go into all the details, mainly because I don't believe in disclosing everything all of time, but I just wanted to get a few observations I've come to this week out in the open. Some of them are blindingly obvious, but I wanted to make them explicit because I feel they should be said. Some are a bit more cryptic but hopefully the person(s) they're directed to will be able to decode. Here goes:

1. Contemporary Man is not supposed to work 50 hours a week, especially when this only invloves one trip to the pub.

2. It is unwise to drink four pints of Hoegaarden in one sitting, even if this is over a considerable period of time.

3. The Kinder Egg is not a suitable implement with which to impersonate Steve Harmison, nor any other members of the England Cricket team's bowling attack.
3a. Similarly, the packagaing of the Kinder Egg often lies to you. Not offering you a free SpongeBob, nor Patrick Starfish, nor any of the other characters, but instead granting you a small imp and a euphonium.

4. My housemates are f***ing great.

5. I feel closer to my parents when I'm further away from them.

6. No matter how sure you are about things they will always strive to prove you wrong, and often succeed in doing so.

7. Bad news always announces itself when you're in the company of people who were either involved, or around, the last time it said 'Hi'.

8. Saying 'Hello' to people you've come to long for usually results in rewarding, if brief, social interactions.

9. I will soon be on to my third pair of headphones this year. Is this my fault, or are they just badly made?

10. Despite making both iconic (Daydreamer) and impressive (Being Brave) contributions to the Britpop era, Menswear couldn't do vocal harmonies for toffee, and had trouble holding notes in the right keys at times.

11. The track Gay Bar by Electric Six is still very funny, even two years down the line.

12. Isn't it great when you misinterpret song lyrics. Only today I thought I heard a girl on the radio singing about fish eyes.

13. I'm a walking embodiment of the values of Public Service Broadcasting, as forwarded by the BBC especially.

14. Susanna Hoffs was, and still is, really hot.

15. Nobody has better sex than the people in your head do.

16. Anything involving the words 'everlasting', or 'magic', or a combination of the two, are falsifications. There are no such things in the world.